Craziest things people say on job applications and resumes and in Interviews
Reasons for your job application:
- I think I am going to be fired from my current job.
- To prove to my wife that I am actively seeking employment.
Special Skills:
- I always cook for my family.
- I am bilingual, I can speak in three languages.
- Able to function without oxygen at 36,000 feet.I am quick at typing – about 30wpm or 45wpm with strong coffee.
- Good people skills, except when people are old and bitter or they get on my nerves.
- Very fast metabolism.
- Very good at lock picking.
- I am psychic.
- I assume I am proficient in using the software you mention although I havent tried it yet.
- I speak English and Spaniards.
Qualifications:
- Twin brother has marketing degree.
- Trained in harassment.
Personal Attributes:
- My name is Nora, a one worded name, it’s my full, legal name.
- Martial status: Repeatedly
- Sex: Sometimes
- Children: Many
- I am 30 years old with the facial hair of a 14-year-old.
- I have blue eyes, blong hair and ears of approximately three inches in length.
- Strengths: Really good at Grand Theft Auto.
- I consider my self chatty but I do know when to shut my big trap.
- I have an excellent track record, although I’m not a horse.
- I offer mediocrity at its best.
- I’m worth investigating.
Reason for leaving previous job:
- Having to arrive too early.
- Contract terminated after I was overheard saying: “It would be a blessing to get fired.”
- I thought the world was about to end.
- Husband was boss, left me for cook.
- They stopped making patties in the restaurant
Salary Expectations:
- Current Salary – $38, 500. Expected Salary – $280,000
- I want to travel the world next year, but i need money to pay for it, so here’s my application
Previous Experience:
- I am quite experienced with the Burger King menu.
- Worked with my mum cleaning the house.
- I know I have the makings of an expert policeman because in my youth I was a drug dealer, a pick pocket, an internet fraudster and a burglar.
- Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing and executing final candidates.
- Self-employed – a fiasco.
- Size of current employer: very big and tall – about 6ft 9in.
References:
- John.
- Please only talk to Steve – definitely not James.
- Best I not answer.
- Who better to tell you about me than… me.
Hobbies and Interests:
- None at present.
- Gossiping.
- Donating blood. 17 gallons donated already.
- Lipo.
- I like to talk
- I rank 82th in the world of yo-yoing.
- Raping and famous rapers. [I think he meant rapping and rappers.].
- Planning our wedding; only 242 days to go!
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